you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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