Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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