i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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