Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
