god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
