so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
