He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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