but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
