Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
