i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I supernannyed him into submission
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
