I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
