If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
