are you so shy because you have an std?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
