I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
