the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
