I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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