Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
