This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
