Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
