I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
