I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
