Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
