I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
