Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
