spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
