oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
