I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
