haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
