All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
