Sponge bath it is.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
