What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
