my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
