its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
