Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
