3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
