She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
