Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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