you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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