her vagine was all disorganized.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
