Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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