some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
