Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
