I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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