I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
