just tell him i said nine months
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I checked into jail on foursquare
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
