If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
