I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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