A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
