you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
