It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
