my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
