what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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