i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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